


Happily ever afters don't exist

by The_queer_writer



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Character Death, Cutting, Depression, M/M, Pastel Dan and Punk Phil, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-13
Updated: 2017-09-13
Packaged: 2018-12-27 13:59:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12082479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_queer_writer/pseuds/The_queer_writer
Summary: Dan Howell is a pastel loner with major home and mental issues. Phil Lester is the punk new kid at school. They take a liking to each other. Will Phil be able to help Dan out of his bad environment or will he not be enough?Idk I'm shit at summaries and I wrote this a year ago





	Happily ever afters don't exist

Dan Howell woke up to the sound of a completely silent household, as per usual. See, Dan's father is always off on some type of business trip since he's a highly respected lawyer and his older brother, Jason is attending a prestigious university thousands of miles away. He is often left alone for several days at a time, weeks even. Well, not totally alone, they do have a housekeeper and chef. Ever since his mom passed away in a car accident a few years back, his “family” has been drifting farther and farther apart.

After Dan checked most of his social media accounts and spent at least half an hour on tumblr, he had no other choice but to start the day. Starting the day wouldn't be that bad for him if it weren't for two very big reasons: 1.) Dan is what almost everyone would consider a transvestite and 2.) everyone thinks he is gay. Dan gets bullied a lot at school for these reasons, more for being gay than anything else, even if he wasn't quite sure what his sexuality is.

From an outside point of view everyone thinks that the Howell’s are a perfect family with a lavish lifestyle, but in reality, they are the epitome of a screwed up family. His father is a cheater and a gambler, and his brother is a druggie. Dan has never had a good relationship with them. His brother is the favorite. Jason is and always has been the star quarterback of every school he has attended, has always had good grades and has brought home very beautiful girlfriends over the years. His father tends to act like Jason is his only son and ignores Dan as much as possible. He has always been disappointed in Dan from the giant pastel jumpers he likes to wear to the disinterest he shows for all sports. 

Dan prefers when he is the only one home so he can dress in his pastels instead of having to change into them in the bathroom at school. When dressing he decides to go with his favorite outfit: an oversized pink jumper, a pair of white distressed jeans, a daisy flower crown and his favorite two-inch white suede Doc Martens. Dan prepared himself for the day ahead as he headed down stairs to get something for breakfast, but Dan had no clue about the journey he was about to go on.

Dan walked into school and was greeted by his best friend Carrie. She has flawless brown skin, very curly chestnut hair with bits of blond throughout and eyes to match. They have been inseparable ever since the day Dan had been pushed on the playground for having pink hair chalk throughout his hair, and Carrie punched the boy and helped Dan up. She loved the pink and never teased him about being too “girly”. As they walked down the hall, they heard people gossiping about what sounded like a new student, but new students rarely wanted to hang out with Dan, afraid they would get bullied if they got to close to the “pastel princess”; that's what he's called when people bully him.

They were sitting in their seats in the back of class talking about the new Melanie Martinez album when the new kid walked in. He looked like the exact opposite of Dan. This new kid had raven black hair, the bluest eyes to probably ever exist, and he was so pale he could be mistaken for a character from Twilight. This kid and Dan did have one thing in common, the hair styles. They had identical fringes except Dan's went to the right and the sapphire eyed boy’s goes to the left. 

The teacher Mr. Manson introduced the new kid as Phil Lester. Dan isn't going to lie, the moment he saw Phil he was a bit intimidated. This new kid looked very audacious and dauntless for his first day at a new school. Phil is completely punk from his dyed jet black hair and face piercings to his black skinny jeans and combat boots. After Dan realized that he had spaced and came back down to earth, he saw Phil heading towards the empty desk next to him. 

Even though Dan and Phil are complete opposites, they have been talking for a couple of weeks now, and they are getting quite close. He still hasn't told Phil much about his personal life yet, scared he might not want to be friends anymore. The only person that truly knows everything about Dan is Carrie. She knows everything about Dan's life, his mom's car crash, his depression, how his dad hits him, how he sometimes cuts. Everything there is to know, ugly or not: she's the only one that knows, and that's the way he wanted to keep it. He didn't want Phil to worry, or run because Dan really likes Phil. 

Dan knows that it's a bad idea to get close to Phil. He knows he should be more apprehensive about this. Dan is not stable enough to be in someone's life. He's not sure how much longer he will even be able to last on this planet, but he just can't help it. Something just draws him to Phil. Maybe he's wrong and getting close to Phil is a good idea. Maybe he really could have a happily ever after.

Dan isn't sure if him and phil are together/exclusive or not, but they have kissed a few times and that's pretty much the same thing when it comes to high school relationships anyways, right? The whole school already thought Dan and Phil were a thing, even if they didn't say anything about it. He would ask, but Phil doesn't seem like the kind of guy that would be a player. 

It was Friday night, and Dan was getting ready to go to the senior year kick off party where the most popular kid from junior year throws a party at their house. Dan finished getting ready and checked his phone. He had one text from Phil and another from Carrie. He checked Phil's first.

Phil: I have an errand to run before the party and won't be able to pick you up. Will you be able to get a ride from Carrie? ~sent at 6:28

Dan typed out a response and checked the message from Carrie.

Carrie: My little brother got a stain in my dress, so I have to wash it again. I'll probably be late to the party.

Well, it looks like Dan has no choice but to call an Uber. He goes down stairs to tell Madison, the housekeeper, that he is going to be out late. He walked down and turns into the living room where he heard some talking and expected her to be, but instead it was his father. He was about to run back up stairs and sneak out the window when his dad turned around and spotted him. His father looked quite pleased with whatever conversation he was having on the phone until he saw what Dan was wearing. The look of anger on his father's face filled Dan with trepidation.

Dan knew the look on his father's face all too well and knew that he wasn't making it to that party any time soon, if at all. His father started yelling, and Dan started preparing himself for what was to come. As Dan's father got closer, the smell of alcohol became stronger. Before Dan could even register what had happened, he felt his back hit a wall and an all too familiar stinging feeling spread across his face.

That was one of the worst beatings Dan had ever received. Turns out his father wasn't just mad about the outfit, but somehow he found out about Phil too. Dan decided that he definitely couldn't go to the party after he went to his room and looked in the mirror. He stayed in his room the rest of that night and all the next day. He didn't even answer his phone; he just stayed on Tumblr all day. He knew that Carrie would get it, but he forgot about Phil and how he would react. Especially since he knew that Carrie wouldn't say anything and that would only make Phil freak out even more. Phil always commented on how rash Dan acted sometimes, and to make matters worse, Dan had run out of his antidepressants. This wasn't looking good….

It was 5:42 PM and Dan had finally decided to check out his social media accounts to see what had happened at the party. He logged onto Facebook first and started scrolling down, looking through a bunch of pictures, some of people drinking, some of dancing, smoking or making out. All that was expected, but then he got to the one thing that he wasn't prepared for or ever wanted to see; Phil making out with what appears to be Jessie from the drama department. 

The only reason Dan knows who the person is is because he helped Jessie on a banner for the lgbt+ club. Jessie was making banners to represent the bisexual and agender people of the club.

You could say that that picture was the straw that broke the camel's back. The picture sent him over the edge. It broke Dan more than he would've ever thought it would. He honestly thought that Phil really cared about him. Dan thought that Phil was going to be his ticket out of this hole of depression and hate, but in reality, phil just ended up adding to it. First, the abuse from his father last night, and now he finds out Phil never really gave a damn. He couldn't take it anymore.

Dan didn't want to deal with the constant pain anymore. He wanted to escape. He picked up his phone and saw 10 texts and 6 missed calls from Phil all saying that he is worried about Dan and that they need to talk before he goes on Facebook. All Dan could do in response was laugh. 

Dan moved his laptop, got up from his place in bed, located the painkillers he used to take when he broke his arm, looked back and saw the picture of Phil and Jessie, and decided that he was done with this life as he popped a handful in his mouth.

Little did Dan know that since he wasn't answering, Phil was just planning on coming over. 

 

Phil’s point of view~

 

I’m getting worried. Dan’s refusing to answer his phone, I know that he can be rash and I don’t know know if he has seen the pictures all over social media of me kissing Jessie. What would he do if he did see the pictures? As I was in the middle of worrying, I realized that I had made it to Dan’s driveway. Surrounding Dan’s house was an ambulance and a couple police cars. I was expecting something bad, but definitely nothing along these lines. I jumped out of my car and rushed to the front of the crowd hoping these weren’t for Dan. I heard a bunch of yelling from all different directions, and saw Dan’s father being brought out of the house in handcuffs.

 

Then I see the thing that breaks my heart, a bag shaped like a human that they were rolling out on a gurney. I try not to believe it is Dan as I run over to the nearest police officer to ask what happened. He refuses to tell me anything about the situation, about Dan, but he pauses when I tell him I’m Dan’s boyfriend.

“Are you Phil Lester?” He asks

I shake my head yes and he tells me to stay where I am. He walks over to another police officer, exchanges a view words and picks up an envelope out of a bag. The officer walked back over to me, gave me his condolences and the envelope then left. I was timid to open the letter, but I saw my name on the front in Dan’s hand writing and I knew I had to read it. I ripped open the letter as fast as possible and started reading. I fell to my knees and broke into the worst cry I have ever had, right there in front of everyone. The letter broke my heart. The dan I was going to ask to move in with me is now gone forever and there’s nothing I can do about it.

 

Dans suicide letter to Phil

Phil, I’m sorry things had to end this way. I’m sorry I wasted your time. I never wanted to drag you into this. After awhile I hoped that you’d be my happily ever after but I saw the pictures. Between the constant abuse from my dad, the bullying at school, the war in my head and losing you to some random person at a party, I just can’t do it anymore. The pain is tearing me apart from the inside out. I love you Phil Lester and wish you the best. I wish we could of had a happily ever after together but happily ever after’s just don’t exist.


End file.
